Monday, February 28, 2005

On the side

Anyone familiar with pop culture remembers the scene in When Harry Met Sally where Harry and Sally are on their road trip to NYC and she annoys the waitress in the diner with a litany of requests, constantly peppered with the phrase "on the side."

I hate "on the side."

I should like "on the side." As a cook that's just starting out in the kitchen, my job is to take care of salads. "On the side" makes my life easier because I don't have to dress the salad, but instead all I have to do is put the greens on the plate and put the dressing in a small pitcher. Saves me about 15 seconds of work.

The typical "on the side" person I've encountered when I've gone out to eat doesn't like their salads lightly dressed. In fact, all salads should be lightly dressed - just enough dressing to coat the leaves and give you a nice contrast in flavor to the greens, maybe a three tablespoons for an entire serving of salad. What I put into the pitchers, which usually come back empty, is more like 5-6 tablespoons of salad dressing.

These are people that are there for the dressing more than the salad, the kind of people that order Cobb salad and think they are getting a healthy meal. Let's see ... our typical Cobb has 4 strips of bacon, 1/4 avacado, 1 egg, 1/4 c tomatoes, 1/3 chicken breast, 4 tbs blue cheese, 3 tbs cobb dressing (made with homemade mayo, buttermilk and sour cream), and, oh yeah, green stuff. Your tally comes to 1400 calories. That's 70% of the RDA for a grown woman, 64% for a grown man. You aren't helping yourself by adding another 200 calories to it. But I really don't care about that. What you shove down your throat is your business.

There's also the fact that when I make that salad, I pile on the greens high - very high, about 7 inches from the bottom of the plate. You try getting your greens mixed with that side dressing - it's damn near impossible to do it without a mess. But that doesn't really bother me either. You're the sloppy one.

Here's the real rub: All cooks who are good cooks take pride in what they make, and in France one tradition that comes from this pride is a lack of salt, pepper and other condiments at fancy restaurants. It is considered an insult to a chef to ask for salt because they put a lot of effort into making sure that your meal is flavored perfectly. To question the amount of salt is to question the chef (Want to earn bonus points at a restaurant in France? If there's salt and pepper on the table, instruct the waitron to remove it.) I taste the salads that go out, checking for dressing levels. I do my best to make sure that one tastes as it should.

If what you really want is the dressing, just ask and see if the kitchen will assemble you a crudité platter ... your dressing will already come on the side.

And you, the one that wants the steak on your steak salad well done. You're next.

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